Musical Musings

Hey interweb peoples,

First, thank you to everyone who read my previous post. I felt it was an important story to tell and at the time I’m writing this so do 11 others. So, thank you!

Anybody who has known me for at least a week can probably tell you three things:

1. Hey, that chick’s in a chair!

2. That chick’s love of pink and vampires borders on insanity.

3. That chick loves her musicals.

And as I’ve addressed the top two statements n previous posts it’s only fair I devote a post to the third.

Yes I LOVE musicals. They can be used to tell any story be it comedy drama or horror. No other genre is as eclectic as the musical and that is one of the reasons I love it so much.

For my 21st birthday my dad, being the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dad he is, took me to New York City for a weekend.

Best Daddy daughter time EVER!

We saw 3 Broadway shows: The Lon King, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (This one stared Daniel Radcliffe AKA. Harry freaking Potter!) and Wicked. It was AWESOME! It was then that my theory that being a Broadway star would be the best job ever was confirmed.

Unfortunately, being in a chair, my dance skills are pretty limited. Those I do have are impeded further by my lack of rhythm. Also, when I sing it sounds like a cat is being put through a meat grinder.

Yes I’m afraid being a Broadway starlet is not in my cards. That doesn’t stop me from making a list of my top 5 dream roles and putting it online!

Before we begin I should say that these choices do NOT reflect my favourite musicals. In fact, I barely actually watch any of the musicals on this list. I chose these roles based on their funosity, yes that’s a word.

5. Maureen Johnson (RENT)

I mean, DUDE!

Ok. Quick summery of RENT for those who don’t know what it’s about. RENT follows the lives of a group of Bohemian individuals from New York City who live with AIDS and an indie film maker who documents their lives for 1 year.

Miss Johnson is a bisexual performance artist who is a wee bit of a player/flirt and a TOTAL drama queen. Come on, how does that not  sound like fun?

Oh, and she get’s this number!

Yes, the woman who played Maureen in the 2005 RENT movie also plays Rachel’s Mom on Glee.

 

4. Mimi Marquez (RENT).

Girl power!

So I put two roles from the same show on my list, big whoop wanna fight ‘bout it?

Mimi is among our gang of rebellious misfits. She is a 19 year-old recovering heroine addict who also happens to be a stripper at a local joint called The Cat Scratch Club.

Despite her rather shitty circumstances she has an incredibly spunky personality and a quick and witty tongue. She also has the funniest number in the show in which she tries to seduce her neighbor Roger. If you don’t know what I’m talking and would like to click here.

3. Elle Woods. (Legally Blonde: The Musical)

I want that outfit!

Like oh my gawd you guys! This role was like totally made for me! A perky young woman who is boy crazy, wears enough pink to give Barbie a run for her money yet still has a brain in her head? I wouldn’t even have to act! Plus, the songs are sooo catchy!

2. Janet Weiss (The Rocky Horror Show)

You get to wear a sweet hat!

Before y’all get all “It’s The Rocky Horror PICTURE Show… moron.” The picture part was added to the title for the movie, because yeah know, it’s a picture.

See?

I have a rocky relationship with this musical (GET IT!). My first encounter with the acid trip that is TRHS happened when I was 15. My dad and I we’re in Quebec getting my now retired service dog and the instructors had taken us to the mall as a training exercise. Being 15 and unaware of the magic that is downloading I rushed to the HMV, Daddy and doggy in tow.

I was browsing the 2/$20 DVD section when my father noticed the musical in question and a conversation similar to this took place:

Dad: You should get this.

Me: Why?

Dad: It’s a classic!

Me: So?

Dad: Do you like musicals?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Do you like rock music?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Then you’ll like it.

Me: Ok… *Looks closer at Tim Curry on case* That’s a dude!  

Annnnd, end scene.

Anyway, trusting my father like the perfect daughter I am, I brought it home.

Later that night well my Dad helped run some errands for people I popped my new movie in. What followed was nearly two hours of HELL!

I hated it! It made no sense! There were people mackin on their sisters and Frankinstein-esque sex slaves and an ORGY! At the time I was convinced I was scarred for life because of the debauchery I had just been subjected to! In fact, I hated it so passionately that I used it to train my dog to pick up CD’s, giggling merrily each time it got scratched.

Fast forward about 6 months. I tell my friends of my traumatic ordeal, which horrifies them. Oh no, not because it traumatized and confused the fuck outta me. They’re upset because, how can I not love it.

“But it makes no sense!” I defend myself.

“It’s not supposed to.” Oh…

Once that little tidbit was shared and I watched it with a group rather than by my lonesome. I LOVED IT!

Seriously, if you just give into the madness it RULES! The songs are catchy, the visuals are gorgeous and it spoofs the horror genre very well, but I’m getting sidetracked.

Let’s talk about Janet dammnit! She is a young woman who just got engaged to her boyfriend Brad Majors, a dorky guy who she met in science class, awe.

The pair decides to go visit their old professor to share the good news but on the way their car breaks down, ohs nos!

They go to a nearby castle looking for help and hijynx ensue!

Sweet innocent Miss Weiss has her first sexual encounter with her loving fiancée the transvestite master of the house and screams and faints a lot. Fun right?

 

Well, here we are. This is it, the big one, the role I’d kill for. The role that, if I got it, I’d bake the casting director a pie…

1. Mrs. Lovett (Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber on Fleet Street)

Isn’t she soooooo cool?! OMG LOVETT!

She has everything! Yes she’s insane and bakes her meat pies using human meat. But she also takes in a young boy who was abused after they bake his master into a scrumptious meaty treat and raises him like a son.

They are just so freaking cute! ❤

She gets a kick out of cannibalism but she’s weak and venerable and just wants Mr. Todd to marry her and go live by the sea!

This character has so many different personalities and I love them all! Oh, and she get’s the Hansel and Gretel treatment at the end!

“Oh… shit.”

So there you have it people, my top 5 dream roles. Do you think I’m nuts now? 😀

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10 Responses to Musical Musings

  1. Omg. This is the blog post with more funosity than almost any other I’ve ever read by you. You have such a funny written “voice”; so clever and sly and conversationally awesome.
    Also,I’ve never wanted to see Sweeney Todd until this moment, but after reading this I do, most emohatically.
    You’re da bomb.
    XO

  2. And, um, emohatically isn’t really a word, but actually a typo. However, now that I think about it, it kinda fits, no?
    “Mrs. Lovett most is most emohatically creepy”. See?

  3. I soooo remember when your dad made you buy TRHPS! I was there! 🙂 Great post sweets… and now, I want to watch RENT again!

  4. Kafoodie says:

    Great post V. I, too, now what to see Sweeney Todd.

  5. Kant Chander says:

    The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested
    to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation.
    My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
    I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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